32. Cleveland Browns (0-5, last week: 32) - Dropped a tough 17-14 verdict to the Jets. The DeShone Kizer experiment may be over. When you lose as much as the Browns do, coaching staffs are not going to be patient with QBs who throw nine interceptions and lose two fumbles in 18 quarters of football — nor should they be.
31. San Francisco 49ers (0-5, last week: 31) - They have been more than competitive in all but one game (Carolina 23-3) this season.
30. New York Giants (0-5, last week: 29) - This is truly remarkable. The wrong New York team is winless five weeks into the mission. The loss of Odell Beckham, Jr. is a crushing blow. The Giants are injured beyond recognition and we’re just five weeks into a 16-week grind.
29. Indianapolis Colts (2-3, last week: 30) - Rare victory for the Colts.
28. Chicago Bears (1-3, last week: 28) - When it came right down to it, Mitchell Trubisky’s late game interception set up the winning field for the Vikings Monday night. There is a reason why they WANTED to redshirt Trubisky in Chicago this year; the guy started just 13 games in college!!! But seriously, it looks like the Bears have a quarterback to grow with if they don’t ruin him first.
27. Los Angeles Chargers (1-4, last week: 27) - The ‘Gints made the Chargers the “Super Chargers” again for at least one game.
26. Arizona Cardinals (2-3, last week: 24) - The Cardinals just aren’t very good. Arizona is well past its prime.
25. New York Jets (3-2, last week: 23) - Edged the Browns 17-14 for their third win of the season. The JETS, not the GIANTS, have three wins.
24. Miami Dolphins (2-2, last week: 26) - The Titans were just what the doctor ordered for the ailing 'Fish. But they lose offensive line coach Chris Foerster who was caught on video using a rolled up $20 dollar bill to snort a powdery white substance. (Guess what that was.) By the way, assistant coaches must make big money these days if they can afford to use $20 dollar bills to snort white powdery substances. What do they burn in their fireplaces, hundred dollar bills?
23. Tennessee Titans (2-3, last week: 22) - One of the preseason favorites to make the playoffs is officially reeling!
22. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3, last week: 25) - Back to back wins over the Browns and Bills are not impressive, but after starting the season 0-3, those victories are welcome in the Queen City.
21. Baltimore Ravens (3-2, last week: 21) - Scored a 30-17 win over the Derek Carr-less Raiders to halt an ugly two game slide. Remind me when they start winning against all of those AFC patsies not to overrate this team again. I think I had them in the top ten at one point!
20. Buffalo Bills (2-3, last week: 19) - Tough loss at the Bengals. The Bills played their best football of the season in wins over Denver at home and at Atlanta prior to the loss in Cincinnati. I’m afraid it’s all downhill from here.
19. Los Angeles Rams (3-2, last week: 17) - The Rams went into their home game against the Seahawks coming off the high of a victory at Dallas as the highest scoring team in the NFL. The Seahawks said “not so fast” and put them in their place, 16-10.
18. Oakland Raiders (2-3, last week: 13) - The season is starting to slide away; the Chargers next week in the Black Hole might be just what the doctor ordered.
17. Houston Texans (2-3, last week: 12) - Lost more than a game to the Chiefs last Sunday night. J.J. Watt is gone again to a season ending injury.
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-2, last week: 16) - They are calling it ugly in New England and they won last Thursday night’s game! What do you think they’re calling the 19-14 loss to the Pats in Tampa Bay? We can’t say; this is a “family” power poll.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2, last week: 6) - Big Ben threw five interceptions and no touchdowns as the Steelers were hammered by Jacksonville 30-9 in Pittsburgh. I thought only Brett Favre was allowed to throw that many interceptions in one game (six at St Louis in a 2001 divisional playoff game).
14. New Orleans Saints (2-2, last week: 18) - Took advantage of the bye week following a successful trip to London.
13. Dallas Cowboys (2-3, last week:9 ) - Did everything they thought they had to do to win last week against Green Bay, but lost nonetheless. Then Jerry changed the narrative by declaring the Cowboys will stand for the anthem. There was no incident before the game so this was merely a gratuitous post game stunt by the Cowboys owner who obviously didn’t want to talk about his team’s latest loss to Aaron Rodgers.
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2, last week: 20) - What to make of the Jags who either win big (29-7 at Houston and 44-7 in London over the Ravens) or lose bad (37-16 vs. Tennessee or 23-20 at the Jets).
11. Minnesota Vikings (3-2, last week: 15) - All Pro safety Harrison Smith stole the show when he intercepted rookie quarterback Mitch Trubisky and set up the game winning field goal in Chicago Monday night. Now working on a short week, the Border War resumes with the Packers high noon Sunday in Minneapolis.
10. Washington Redskins (2-2, last week: 11) - Coming off the bye week, this is a team that can gain some momentum starting with San Francisco at home this week.
9. Detroit Lions (3-2, last week: 3) - Lost at home to Carolina. The Lions picked a bad time to play poorly in suffering their second home loss of the season. Losing at home is no recipe for winning a division title, making all of this talk about the Lions being the Packers chief challengers for the NFC North title a bit premature.
8. Carolina Panthers (4-1, last week: 14) - Went to Motown and got by a good Detroit Lions team 27-24. Cam Newton is starting to throw the ball the way he did when the Panthers were on their way to a Super Bowl two years ago. They don’t have quite the defense they had when they made that run, but in this day and age their “D” might be good enough.
7. Philadelphia Eagles (4-1, last week: 8) - Trashed the Birds of another color (Cardinals) 34-7 to take command of the NFC East. Second year quarterback Carson Wentz is the “real deal” and that defense is better than expected.
6. Seattle Seahawks (3-2, last week: 10) - Showed the upstart Rams that the new boss in the NFC West is the same as the old boss. The Seahawks still have a top three defense and that will bode well in January.
5. Atlanta Falcons (3-1, last week: 4) - Sat on a home loss to Buffalo for an entire bye week. I still think they are the best team in the NFC and its not close; they just haven’t played like it yet!
4. New England Patriots (3-2, last week: 7) - Won at Tampa 19-14 to get week five started. They are calling it an ugly win in New England but really, is any win ugly? Especially on the road! The Pats showed some signs defensively and, like the Packers, the defense holds the key to their January longevity.ages)
3. Green Bay Packers (4-1, last week: 5) - Won at Dallas despite the Cowboys doing everything they felt they needed to do to win the game. The difference once again in this series: the Packers have Aaron Rodgers and the Cowboys don’t. Long term ,the Packers have to find a defense because in January you have to be able to stop someone or you go home, whether your playoff game is on your home field or away.
2. Denver Broncos (3-1, last week: 2) - Enjoyed a bye week. The Broncos sport the finest defense in the league at this point of the season. They can make anyone look bad, either by air or by ground. (Zeke Elliott, the defending NFL rushing champ, had eight yards on nine carries earlier this season when the Cowboys were blown out in Denver.) The Broncos later racked up quarterback Derek Carr and the Oakland Raiders, a pre season favorite in the AFC West who might not ever be the same - at least until they get their quarterback back.
1. Kansas City Chiefs (5-0, last week: 1) - Won a battle of attrition in Houston Sunday night to remain unblemished. What’s impressive about the Chiefs is their speed and explosiveness. The 42 points they put on a good Texans defense was impressive ,even though that defense lost J.J. Watt and Whitney Mercilus.